Dear Roger (Goodell),
How are you? I haven’t written to you in awhile so I wanted to correct that grievous error by sending you this letter. I’ve been pretty busy lately so I must apologize for not being in touch, as you said you liked, so here you go. Oh, I see that your NFL is back, which I think you still are czar of (right?), so it made me think of you. I must say, I hope you are doing well since what I heard about the NFL was pretty mean.
Let me explain. This morning, while I was standing in the check-out line at Trader Joe’s, I overheard two guys talking about the NFL, which caught my attention (plus I was bored) so I listened in. I heard them say that the NFL stood for ‘not-for-long’ and ‘no-fun-league,’ which I thought was dumb since it obviously stands for the National Football league, but it was what they said next that really caught my attention. The little guy said that he already hates the new, unprofessional referees. I nearly chimed in to let him know that Roger would never allow such a thing but the big guy answered before I could and he blamed it all on you. I know this is a silly rumor since you are obviously great and you pride yourself in professionalism but I wanted to ask you, what did this man mean?
The same guy added other mean things regarding a few cheaters you might know and something about a lot of injured players but I have forgotten what they said. I wanted to tell him how nice you are and that he is very misinformed about you but a different aisle opened up, and I was in a hurry to catch the Tom’s recital, so I didn’t.
Anyway, I hope that your NFL is still a big hit (oh dear, what a pun!) and that you take care of yourself.
Hugs and kisses,
p.s. Does that nice young man Brett Favre still play? I’m very fond of him as I’m sure you remember. Please tell him hello next time you see him.