Dear Future Anonymous Reader,
Hello, stranger. My name is Mike Miller (not the basketball player); nice to meet you. If you are reading this, well, that means the worst has happened. I am either trapped in my electricity-less apartment with no hope of escape or I have passed away and no one knows yet. Either way, so sad.
I hope that whoever you are, wherever you are, that you are not as dumb as I was. Boston, as a collective whole, warned me, through a collection of mass tweets, text messages and news broadcasts, that the snowpocalypse was coming. They said that #Nemo would devour me. They said to hide the kids, hide my wife, but noooooo waaaaay would I listen. Nope. I am dumb. Learn from me.
During Hurricane Sandy I listened and nothing happened, at least not here. I was prepared for the worst but Boston called wolf. I assumed that the snowstorm of the century was another over-exaggeration but it wasn’t. I mean, when a northeastern city like Boston shuts down the T, closes stores citywide, institutes a no drive policy and tells you to say home – you take notice, right? This isn’t Kansas, Dorothy, this is a cold-weather city and everyone is freaking out.
Well, you know what, I DID TAKE NOTICE and now I am either trapped or dead. Darn it. I didn’t leave the city or move to higher ground. Nope. I did what “Boston” told me to do. I stocked up on groceries, charged my electronics, got candles and flashlights ready and everything, and it got me nowhere but home. Now look at me!
Ever heard of cabin fever? If I’m alive, I have it. If I’m dead, I had it. Seriously. I’m a technology obsessed normal person and if I have no electricity I will go crazy; like Jack Nicholson in ‘The Shining” crazy. And when you go crazy in a small condo in a city with no hope for escape, well, cabin fever. I hope when you read this that my lovely cat and lovelier wife got out.
In closing, I hope this blizzard of biblical proportions has passed. I really really really hope this wasn’t a ‘The Day After Tomorrow‘ sized snowmageddon but I will never know. Don’t forget me. I loved life and life loved me. Too bad the snow hated me.
P.S. Here is a picture of me enjoying snow to show there are no hard feelings.