MEANTOWN

*UPDATE! Welcome to Boston, Where Smiles Barely Exist, an article written by Steve Annear of Bostinno, is based on this blog post so make sure to check it out!

“I guess God made Boston on a wet Sunday.
Raymond Charles

Most really mean people are actually really nice, and so are those who reside in Boston. For a city that definitely sleeps, people don’t seem to get enough of it. Smiles are like ghosts in the darkness, they barely exist. When they do creep out of the dark abyss, they are grimaced and teeth baring and no one, save perhaps for loved ones, is safe.

Discovering the validity of the statements above is surprisingly easy. Just visit good ol’ Beantown. Unhappiness abounds everywhere. Whether walking the historical freedom trail, ice skating at the Boston Common on a crisp, winter evening or catching a game at Fenway, you will find it. Tourists continually crowd one another while residents continue down the citified spiral of despair. The cycle is terrifying…

Case in point, the metro or the T as any Bostonian will yell at you. Something as simple as buying groceries can become an unenviable task that you wouldn’t dare risk your precious parking space on so, the T it is. First you must wait in Crowdedthe cold for it to arrive, duh, then fight your way through a crowd of unhappy fellow travelers and pray you grasp a pole or seat back to steady yourself. Next, go to any grocery story in the city, like Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s, and try, just try not cursing at someone while you shop. It is harder than you might think. You will be cut of repeatedly, your personal bubble will burst with the perfunctory popping of a Remarque machine gun and, to add further grievance, you will likely leave before your grocery list is complete due to sheer frustration. Oh, and you get to ride back on the metro, toting your pop pop popping eggs and crushed french baguette. Heaven, meet hell.

Examples abound as thousands upon thousands of out-of-towners, of non-city folk like myself, move to the city. You arrive all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, full of seemingly endless hope but soon discover that you forgot to pack something you didn’t know you owned, your shell, which is ever-hardening. But fret not, it will be found soon enough. Every time you get honked at by a clearly in the wrong driver or have smiles returned by furrowed brows or get yelled at to pick up poop that your dog hasn’t even shat out yet, it grows. Fret not since the more it grows, the more a city person you become so winner winner!?! In a city recently voted as the meanest in the America, hard exteriors are as vital as the clothes you put on, wear them or risk extreme snobmockery.

Now imagine how far one smile would go. In a college-laden city teeming non-Bostonians, most of us are not yet used to such an angry lifestyle. We are nice, innately happy people which our friends can readily attest to. We don’t curse out, glare at or cut off our friends. We show our human side, our gooey non-shelled selves that were raised happily and want nothing more than to just experience a new place. Before Boston naturally hardens us, we can act like good Samaritans and we readily show kindness and gratitude to others.

As the heart of winter approaches, and moods are destined to reach all-time lows, it is more important than ever to showcase your expensively perfect set of pearly whites and spread some joy in a city that needs it. Or, as most Bostonians do, just drink it off…

Angry Mike
Drinking a ‘brain hemorrhage’ while angry? Perfect!
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5 thoughts on “MEANTOWN

  1. First of all, it’s not called the “Metro”, it’s called the “T”….which stands for “Train.”
    If you want to ride the metro, go to NYC…if you are ON the metro…you are IN NYC.

    Referring, as you do, to our beloved* “T” as the “Metro” is not only offensive to me as a born and bred Bostonian – it also signifies that maybe – just maybe – you aren’t such an “expert” on this city as you assume to be.

    In reading your blog, I can’t help but come away with the impression that maybe it’s YOU that is actually miserable and angry – and not so much the city. Rather than an op-ed piece on Boston, your blog came across a giant complaint. In fact, there is a website devoted to people like you, with similar grievances. It’s called “White People Problems” – I’d check it out.

    A few thoughts:

    You’re too lazy to move your car out of your parking space, so you opt for the T, and then complain about the cold and crowds. Let me clue you in on two things you seem to have missed (shocking, given your apparent expertise on the city):

    1. Boston is the capital of the State of Massachusetts, which is part of New England, which is part of the North East region of the USA. The North East’s weather pattern is commonly referred to as “The 4 Seasons.” The coldest of the 4 is commonly referred to as “Winter.”

    If you want to wear cargo shorts to pick out your organic cured meats – go to LA.

    2. The T – not the Metro – stands for MBTA – which stands for Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority. According to Boston.com, “the MBTA is the oldest subway station in the nation, and the fifth largest mass transit system in the United States, serving a daily ridership of about 1.2 million people on hundreds of buses, trains, trolleys and ferries.

    Sorry you’re “crowded”.

    You make it even hard to accept your ignorance when you go on to complain about the “hell” of your “personal space” being violated, and the “sheer frustration” of a crushed baguette.

    Listen princess: maybe no one told you, but the grocery store IS – by definition – a public location. If you don’t like people, go online and order Peapod. Or, ask one of the nice managers of Whole Foods if they will deliver your groceries to your castle for you – that will likely also eliminate the “sheer frustration” over your crushed baguette.

    I mean honestly – I have to ask – are you even LISTENING to yourself? Take the blinders off, and the silver spoon out of your mouth, pull away the velvet curtains, and for one second, take a look past the end of your nose. Right now – right this very moment – people are ACTUALLY SUFFERING: hunger, sickness, homelessness, war.. Get over the friggen baguette. YOU ARE LUCKY to have the privilege of choosing between your personally owned vehicle and that of public transportation – there are people in this world – and in our own country – who walk MILES for food – or simply go without.

    To me, you come off as a self indulgent, ignorant, coddled, judgmental, self righteous jerk who doesn’t have the first clue about Boston. Clearly you haven’t actually explored our city. Your few positive references sound suspiciously like you Googled “Boston, MA” and never made it past the first sentence in Wikipedia.

    I have lived here all of my life. The same is true for my family, and a good amount of my friends and coworkers. Except for the rare exception, we are a happy, nice, innately positive and loving group of people – all of which our friends can readily attest to. We don’t curse out, glare at or cut off our friends. We show our human side, our gooey non-shelled selves that were raised happily … we act like good Samaritans, and we readily show kindness and gratitude to others. This is also true of many of my fellow citizens who I interact with on a daily basis. Whether that be at Starbucks, Dunkin, on the T, at The Garden, Fenway, the Pru, Copley, Newbury, Seaport, Eastie, Southie, the North End, the West End, Dot, Chuck, down the Cape… you get me?

    And who are YOU to say otherwise? I could tell endless tales of the extreme fortune and good-will MANY of my friends have shown to other friends, strangers, and the less fortunate. But just as I avoid finger-pointing and judging others, I also think it’s wrong to brag. You know why? Because I was raised in a healthy, happy family that brought me up with good manners, and proper social skills.

    Maybe you don’t get out much – maybe the sheer frustration of your initial trip to Whole Foods was your first and last voyage from the safety of your castle – maybe you ARE miserable, and don’t have any friends, so you don’t get out much. I honestly don’t know what your problem is.

    But, I’d consider spending a little less time judging this city, and the people who not only call it home, but love it end-to-end. Look past the surface level and really see Boston’s endless beloved qualities. Step our of YOUR shell and meet the wonderful, dynamic, brilliant, funny, gifted, and HAPPY people who call this beautiful city home. If you don’t want to go out alone – I’ll tell ya what – I’ll even take you out with my friends for a beer. Then I DARE you to try and tell me this city is miserable.

    *Beloved, in the same way that our Red Sox are beloved. But let’s save that to discuss over beers.

  2. Nice one Sheila! I can tell you love Boston, as do I, but isn’t it fun to see it from the potential perspective of a Boston newcomer and/or outsider? Devil’s advocates unite!

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