Light Switch

I wish my brain had a light switch. If my brain had a simple, easily accessible switch, I could in complete control of turning it on and turning it off. Better yet, if my brain had a dimmer, I could lower the “lights” at will and thus save energy (pun intended) at will. That would be great.

Unfortunately this just doesn’t exist. At least if it does, I’m not the one in control of the switch. Sure I can impact the turning on and off, to a degree, but I don’t have the ultimate say. Ever. If my brain wants to be on, it is. If I want my brain to be turned off, I can only hope and pray that it will.

Take going to bed for example. Whether I gain or lose an hour during daylight savings, whether I go to be hungry or full, tired or wide awake or just really late to early, I will not fall asleep when I want to. Sometimes my head will hit the pillow and it’s lights out but that is rare.

Even rigorous exercise that leaves my body tired won’t guarantee immediate sleep, nor will copious amounts of alcohol, reading a book, watching a movie or, well, sexual activity. I don’t take sleeping pills so night after night, I am left alone with my thoughts, my adventurous thoughts.

But there are other times, in the course of a day, where it would be nice to switch off my brain, to stop the flow of activity and let it just hibernate, re-charge, idle of whatever description works best. I don’t watch reality tv to stimulate intelligent thought so please, turn off during these shows brain!

And yet, when I’m sitting in school, working on papers, reading assigned cases or I need to be productive, my light switch starts to go off. Someone, not me, is playing with the switch. I imagine a tiny red devil flicking it and laughing, intensely, before scurrying away, only to return turn the switch all the way down.

So what is to be done? Try as I might, I never seem to have complete control over my brain. My little thought neurons pulse away like an uncontrollable, and vast, bee swarm. Occasionally one will sting and an idea will grow out of the swelling. Gross sure but as a result, I am lucky.

I am lucky because a brain that won’t stop firing on all cylinders is an active one. Though I will “waste” hours in bed in deep, random thought, that is also when I’m at my creative best. As long as I participate and actually write down these thoughts, I can create actual action that has tangible results outside the galaxy of my mind.

The ability to have a light switch that I, or a trusted loved one, can control could still be a blessing but who knows, maybe it would become the curse that kills my creativity and brings me back to a dull world where knobs, dials and switches control everything and I am once again powerless.