Last night I died. Or I very nearly did, in a figurative sense. Of course it was all in a dream but it was of the kind that feel so very, very real. The kind where something bad happens and yet it doesn’t feel like a nightmare. No one is chasing/haunting/terrorizing until you wake up in a cool sweat. No. Here is what I experienced…
Though instructed not to by a few friends, and quite possibly Jason Segel, I attempted to talk an unstable person, near a light blue car, out of something trivial and I failed. The result was immediate. The unmemorable man quickly and quite calmly pulled out a handgun and shot me directly in the heart. I remember being stunned. It was as if my entire body was electrified to numbness, stuck in a seized state of some sort. I did not die immediately though I would later near a swimming pool after what seemed like a long period of time. I can’t remember if I wanted to try and swim in this serene pool before I died but I’m pretty sure I thought I could. And that was it.
In this kind of dream, if you die, and I did, death was peaceful. Death was surprising. Death was relaxingperplexingastounding. Death was any Terrence Malick film; it left me in a slightly awakened state of awe and enlightenment. In a way, death was even beautiful. And yet, I don’t want to experience it again. But then again, if I don’t, how can I begin to understand what it means. I know not if Freddy Kruger is eagerly awaiting my head hitting the pillow tonight but it matters not since I am not afraid. If anything, I am curious.
And in my curious state I began looking for answers. I pondered what events might have led me to have such a dream. I asked friends if they knew the answer, they didn’t, so I looked online. The bad thing is, the process of potential discovery continually feels wrong. The whole time, even while writing this blog, I felt a slight tightness in my chest, a sorrow that I can’t begin to explain. It’s as if a twin I didn’t know existed just passed away and I feel his/her burden. What gives? I need answers….
Since I couldn’t ask Joseph, I used the next best thing – Google search (sorry Bing). I searched for things like “dream interpretations,” “meaning of dreams” and so forth, and I must say the results, though interesting, left much to be desired. Insight from sites like Dreammoods, Dreamforth or Dreambible were, to say the least, a bit iffy though I must say it sure is a new way to surf the internet, but I digress.
Though I don’t have anything to report from a neuroscience study or psychology publication, I at least have some theories. According to the previously mentioned
esteemed websites, here is what my “death” dream could mean…
Death: To dream that you did your dream symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self discovery and positive development that is happening within you or in your life. You are undergoing a transitional phase and are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Although such a dream may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm as it often considered a positive symbol.
Killed: To dream that you have been killed suggests that your actions are disconnected from your emotions and conscience. The dream refers to drastic changes that you are trying to make. There is a characteristic that you want to get rid of or a habit that you want to end within yourself.
Shot: To dream that you have been shot indicates that you are not holding a very high opinion of yourself. You may have committed an act that causes you humiliation and disgrace. If you are shot and come back as a different person, then it suggests that you need to take a new approach or develop a new outlook. You have a desire to change your ways and transform into someone entirely different.
Um, wow. I’ll continue to evaluate my life in search of potential answers and I’ll even give these ideas a shot, pun intended, but as for now, I am still puzzled. I am still curious and I want to learn more. Unless I die before I wake, I’ll keep looking…